Friday, November 18, 2011

"Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions" Part 1

This is part of a summary of the book: Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Help Your Child Regulate Emotional Outbursts & Aggressive Behaviors. My comments are generally in italics; the rest of the information comes from the book.

So, this is the latest book that was recommended to me by the psychologist we see (I like and trust this person.  I cannot say that about every "professional" we have seen).  A few people have mentioned that they are interested in hearing what I think of this book, so I'm using that as my motivation to get this book read.  (What?  You don't have to motivate yourself to read parenting books?  YOU ARE LUCKY!)  I'm going to do a little summary/book report as I read.

Conveniently, the Introduction has a little quiz of sorts to help you know if you need to keep reading:
"As you pick up this book, are you wondering whether your child has intense emotions?  Is it your child screaming in the grocery store because he can't have something you told him in advance he couldn't have?  Is your child the one who keeps crying when everyone else seems to be having a good time?  Does your child look at you with anger in his eyes when you tell him he can't do something he wants to do?  Does he have a tantrum when you have simply asked him to get ready for bed?  Is homework a nightmare?  Do you dread telling your child no?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, this book is for you."
Drat.  This book is for me.
"Parents of children whose behaviors often spiral out of control tell me they have a difficult time getting effective guidance and help....With anger, sadness, and sometimes guilt, these parents also report being blamed for their children's behaviors by family members (*cough* recently heard of an AWFUL example of somebody's ignorant SISTER doing this *cough*), school personnel, and some mental health professionals.  My hope is that this book will validate the feelings you have been unable to share with others and will help you see that you're not alone."
"Though this book has been designed as part of a series for parents of children who are ages five through twelve, I've found over the years that the skills and guidance in this book help parents regardless of the age of their child."
 "Since I began teaching DBT skills, the parents I work with have reported that the skills help them understand, accept, and calm children whose behaviors once seemed unmanageable.  Whether your child has periodic outbursts, behaves aggressively, withdraws, or has a diagnosed emotional disorder, these skills will be helpful to you."

Huh.  This book really IS for me:
"We encourage you to accept yourself and your actions by telling yourself, 'I did the best I could.  I am doing the best I can.'"
How to use this book:
"This book has four parts:  The first part (chapters 1 and 2) provides the foundation and background for all the skills that follow;  the second part (chapters 3, 4, and 5) focuses on emotions, providing understanding about how they develop and specific, step-by-step skills that you and your child can use to calm disruptive and disquieting emotions;  the third part (chapters 6, 7, 8, and 9) uses similar skills to help you reduce the occurrence of behavioral outbursts and to manage already escalated behaviors;  and the fourth part (chapters 10 and 11) addresses your emotional needs and those of other family members.  After you read the first part, you can read the remaining chapters in order or move through the sections that seem most relevant.  If you are feeling overwhelmed by the information, you can advance to chapter 11 and learn how to take care of yourself."
Hurray! Darn!  Quiet time is over, so I'll have to stop reading now.  I suppose it DOES look interesting, so I will get back to reviewing/summarizing it as soon as I can.  This post should have helped you figure out if this book is something you are interested in.  If this book is NOT something you need, get on your knees RIGHT NOW and THANK GOD then you can skip the next few posts.  For those who ARE interested, I should be able to read and post more during the next couple days.

Summary Part 2
Summary Part 3
Summary Part 4
Summary Part 5


Carolyn said...

I used to be a behavioral therapist, but I'd never heard of dialectical behavior therapy (the Amazon link doesn't say anything about what it is, and Wikipedia was only mildly helpful, but mostly just overwhelming!) I am really interested to hear what the book is about, so you better follow through with this ;)

Emily said...

Just reading the title of that book was PAINFUL! I can understand why you need to force, er, motivate, yourself to read it. I'll be following along with these posts because I'm sure I'll be reading this book some day soon.

Anonymous said...

Yikes, just reading this WAS painful and it doesn't even apply to me. I'm sorry you need this book, let alone have to plow through it. I hope it provides some solutions for you.

Shalini said...

Oh, I think that book might be for me, too. *deep, heavy sigh*

josefina said...

Hahaha! I loved the last paragraph. I'm thinking I should read this book. Thank you for posting your thoughts. I'm looking forward to reading the future posts.

clueless but hopeful mama said...

I love this post SO MUCH. Thank you and I think I need to get a copy.

Perhaps there's one for kids AND parents with intense emotions. *Ahem*.