Stubborn has since had his appointment with the psychologist, I'll call her Dr. P. Dr. P was amazed at the level of disrespect and defiance Stubborn was showing; she has been seeing him for over a year now, and he was not acting like this until the past few months.
- it is normal for oppositional kids to really ramp it up right around 10 years old.
- he seems quite proud of his making it 82 off the chart and getting back on in 4 days and thinks he won that battle. (I guess I shouldn't have been so accommodating in checking the work he was doing to move back up.)
- one of the concerns about his behavior is that the younger children are watching him and may decide it is okay to act like this.
- Husband and I need to talk privately and decide what the consequences will be for the children who are disrespectful/defiant towards me while he's at work. (We have not yet figured out what the consequence will be, sigh. It is a little tricky since Husband is only home for about two hours before the kids go to bed.)
- then we need to sit down with all of the children, and Husband needs to explain to them, in a STERN, SERIOUS voice, that it is not acceptable for them to be rude, disrespectful, and disobedient towards me, and this is what the consequence will be when that happens.
- then we need to meet privately with Stubborn, and Husband is supposed to tell him that the next time he has a fit like the one he had last week, we will be packing up everything in his room and taking it out, and he will have to earn all of his belongings back with good behavior. (For the most part, I expect Stubborn to act like he doesn't care, but there are one or two precious things he is going to miss.)
- I should wait until Husband gets home to do the packing up of the bedroom, just in case someone tries to attack me while I'm doing it.
- Stubborn is supposed to stay in his bare room until he is ready to behave appropriately.
- What do I do if he refuses to stay in his room?
- I am supposed to make sure he stays there by returning him to his room whenever he comes out. (Very similar to returning Baby to the time-out rug every time he gets off of it before he is supposed to.)
- Husband is responsible for keeping him from sneaking out at night. (I'm thinking this will be accomplished by Husband sleeping in front of his door.)
- What do I do if he uses his window to run away?
- I am supposed to call the police and report that he has run away.
I fully expect that it will be necessary to pack up everything in his room sometime during the next few weeks, and I am very much NOT looking forward to that, especially since I am still working so hard to get things moved around and the rooms organized. Obviously, there is no good place to put the contents of an entire bedroom, so I think I will be moving most of it to the garage, and I will need to park on the driveway. I'm thinking that His roommate will likely need to be moved to another room temporarily too.
I cannot tell you how heartbroken and weary I am about this. This child has always been so sweet and loving, and I just cannot understand what happened to cause this change. I have asked and asked and ASKED him if there's something wrong, if something happened that has made him feel bad, if something is bothering him, and he continues to say no.
I spent roughly TEN YEARS engaged in a constant battle of wills with Ian, and I was so very grateful and relieved when that was finished. It never occurred to me that I would have this experience with any of the others, but now I can see that I am going to have it again, at least 2, and likely 3, more times.
Excuse me while I go sit in the corner and weep...