*I went to read bedtime stories to the boys, and I told David to scoot over so that I could sit in the middle. Ian piped up with "because you're so wide!" I said, "Excuse me?" So he came over to me, put one hand on either side of my hips and said, "You've grown so much this way!"
*At the end of another LONG day, I went to use the bathroom and sat down on a WET, not just a drop or two but COMPLETELY COVERED, potty seat...it was THE LAST STRAW! Amazingly, I didn't start screaming like a maniac which is what I REALLY wanted to do, but I did charge Ian $0.15 of his allowance, and told him that I would continue to charge him if this continued to happen. His excuse? His wee wee lifts up when the pee pees come out. AIMING? Have we not talked about AIMING???????
*"Last night was one of those really discouraging nights when I spent all day making dinner and then Ian threw up all over the kitchen floor because the carrot he was trying from the soup had pea broth on it (not that you would know this by looking at it because the broth from this batch was pretty thin, so the carrot wasn't green or anything). Sigh. I'm afraid I have been exercising my vocal cords today...something about asking and asking and ASKING and ASKING a person to do the SAME exact thing OVER AND OVER AND OVER...and all those parenting books on letting the children experience natural consequences are a great idea, but MY children never get the connection between their actions and the consequences that follow (such as, throwing shoes and socks all over the floor and then not being able to find what they are looking for). When the consequences present themselves the children just look at me like, 'Well, the reason I am having this problem is because YOU are CHOOSING not to help me!'"
*One of Ian's favorite things to scream at me was "I don't WANT to!" I explained to him over and over and over and OVER that we ALL have to do things we don't WANT to do, but he kept screaming that phrase nearly every time I asked him to do something (usually involving cleaning up a mess HE had made). I finally told him that if he screamed that at me ONE MORE TIME, I was going to take a break for 3 days and not do anything I didn't WANT to do. NATURALLY, he screamed at me again, and I had a fun 3-day break of not cooking, cleaning, baking treats, doing laundry, sitting on the porch for hours while people played outside, or anything else I didn't want to do (except taking care of people who were too small to take care of themselves, of course). He thought twice before screaming, "I don't WANT to!" at me after that.
*Husband let Ian get a children's anatomy book from the library, and then he let him look at it unsupervised. So Ian comes up to me and says, "The pee pee balls are attached to something that looks like suction cups in that book." He brings the book over and shows me the diagram of the ovaries =), and then argues with me when I point out the box a little lower on the page that shows the test.es on a man.
*Husband was gone on another trip for work. Another LONG day was finally starting to look up in the afternoon when the boys managed to play nicely together for a few minutes...but then Ian yelled down the stairs that David had peed on the bed, so I had to go upstairs, strip the sheets, and tip the mattress up so it and the board underneath, could dry. I thought that was the end of that, and the boys did manage to play nicely for a few more minutes, but when I came upstairs the next time, Ian was doing his best to scratch a hole in the mattress, so I took the mattress out of his room, and I then had a soft, comfortable headboard for my bed. The next day started pretty well; nobody woke up too early, we managed to stay organized enough to get things ready for church, I was able to get a shower during Marie's morning nap, got everyone fed, dressed, and in the van ON TIME (even after taking the time to have a pillow fight with Ian to help him get out some of his energy)...but then the van wouldn't start...because Ian had left a light on 2 days earlier and the battery was dead. We had mint chocolate chip cookies for dinner that night.....
*I had MANY long days: "We are having yet another banner day at my house! It all started when I mixed up a nice, big, 4 loaf batch of bread dough and put it outside (it was VERY warm where we lived) to rise...when I returned for the bowl of dough, it was obvious that one of the obnoxious, neighborhood squirrels had gotten into it, so I had to throw the whole batch out and start over (I put the bowl of dough in the car to rise from then on.) Sometime during all of this, Ian and David flung all of the clean, white laundry all over the dirty front entryway and bathroom floors...and, of course, they did this 2 minutes before our visitors were supposed to arrive. Once our visitors came in and sat on the floor, I noticed that the couch cushions were missing, which was especially nice considering how dirty the couch always is under the cushions. Then my 2 boys trapped one of the other kids in the toy room upstairs and wouldn't let him out. When the poor child finally made it downstairs to tell the tale, I told my 2 angels to stay upstairs until the visitors left so as to not further traumatize the other child, so my 2 proceeded to spend the rest of the visit yelling rude, angry things at me while they threw things down the stairs. I don't recall any of this being in my contract."
*Each time I stopped nursing, I found myself thinking, "HOW MUCH HAVE I BEEN EATING?!" I noticed an interesting pattern of my appetite going WAY DOWN when I finished nursing. Perhaps this is why that whole "Bre*stfeeding helps you lose weight" thing never worked for me?