Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Need a Laugh? This Post Is For You: Truly, I Couldn't Make These Things Up....or The Revolution

I don't often have time to write a Christmas card (see what sort of thing I am dealing with every day below), but one year the card almost wrote itself:

Place:  My house
Date:  December 19, 2008
Time:  About 4:45pm
Cast of Characters:
            Mr. Independence-9 year old boy
            Mr. Liberty-6 year old boy
            Little Miss Freedom-4 year old girl
            Mr. Easily Persuaded-2 year old boy
            Mother England-Mom
            Father England-Dad

            The children had been playing a little too quietly in the toy room, when, all of a sudden, they burst out of the room shouting energetically, while Mr. Independence thrust a paper at me that said, “WE DoN’T HAVE Any REpRESeNeTIVES!” (translation:  We don’t have any representatives!)  (Later in the evening I found a note on my pillow that said, “IT’S NOT FARE!”). 
As I was reading the paper that had been given to me, Mr. Independence and Mr. Liberty carried the easel out of the toy room, into the living room;  on the chalk board side of the easel was written:  “Independens for all childrun!”  (translation:  Independence for all children!)  Little Miss Freedom and Mr. Easily Persuaded were dancing around yelling, “Freedom!  Liberty!”
Then, Mr. Independence, quoting FROM MEMORY from the Declaration of Independence, said:  “You know, Mom, ‘Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it becomes the RIGHT or DUTY of the people to alter or abolish it’!  {Mr. Liberty} and I are looking at you and dad as the British government and the kids as the 13 colonies, and WE WANT INDEPENDENCE!”  As he was telling me this, he continued moving various items into the living room and informed me that he was going to be giving a speech.  I asked him if he could postpone his speech until Father England arrived home from work so that we could get it on video.
Father England arrived home shortly thereafter, and the speeches began.  I took notes.  Here is the short version of Mr. Independence’s speech:  “We come here in the name of independence!  That freedom might live among all 4 kids of this house.  WE WANT INDEPENDENCE!  If polite protesting doesn’t work, we’ll put up something like the Boston Tea Party!  Who votes for something like the Boston Tea Party?  Say Aye! (Mr. Independence-Aye!, Mr. Liberty-Aye!, Little Miss Freedom-Aye!, Mr. Easily Persuaded-K!  Mother England-Nay, Father England-abstained from voting)  I demand independence for all the kids in this house, that me and {Mr. Liberty} have independence in this neighborhood 2 blocks South, 1 block North!” 
(The point was brought up here by Mother England that the colonists did not declare independence WHILE LIVING IN ENGLAND, to which the revolutionaries replied nervously that they had no plans of moving out of the house.) 
Then Mother England replied, “Since we are quoting the Declaration of Independence, it also says, ‘When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation’, so you need to declare the causes which are impelling you to the separation.”
Mr. Independence looked a little taken aback by this, but continued, “It’s not fair that you and dad have lots of independence and me and {Mr. Liberty} have very little!  Your kids are growing up and they want more independence;  lots and lots of it!  Patrick Henry’s parents gave him a rifle at the age of 8!  They lived at a different time than we did;  yes, I know.  Me and {Mr. Liberty} HATE DOING THE CHORES!  We think they are UNFAIR!  We do like living in this house in some ways, but we do not like it when it is muddy and our parents restrict us from going in the mud.  Another reason is we highly disagree with certain things:  having to get our chores done by 6:00pm to have dinner!  We could use a little change with that stinkin’ 24 space behavior chart!  We like the privileges but not the extra chores!”
As Mr. Independence was starting to repeat himself, the floor was given to Mr. Liberty for his speech:  “Just to remind you, the whole meaning of the speeches is to GET MORE INDEPENDENCE!  We need more independence!  Abraham Lincoln said that ALL people should be free!  We need a lot of independence as we grow up, A LOT!  One more very important reason:  we want to leave the house whenever we want, play the computer whenever we want, leave the neighborhood whenever we want!”
The floor was then given to Little Miss Freedom:  “We come here to grow up!  We don’t want to do chores or use that up and down chart!”  (The "up and down chart" is our behavior chart.)
Mr. Easily Persuaded had not prepared a speech for the occasion. 
Mother and Father England informed the revolutionaries that they needed to present a Constitution before we could vote on the independence proposal.  Mr. Independence didn’t think things needed to go quite that far, but Mr. Liberty looked quite excited about the prospect, and they both disappeared.
Shortly thereafter, the revolutionaries reappeared, wanting dinner.  Father England informed them that anyone who wanted to eat would need to grab their allowance and a coat so that they could walk to the grocery store to provide their independent dinner.  At this point loud cries of “We don’t want independence!  We didn’t know what it meant to be independent!  We want to be DEPENDENT!” were heard, but Father England stood firm and escorted the revolutionaries and their allowance up the street to the store to procure dinner.  The enthusiasm of the revolution appeared much dampened upon their return an hour later. 
We are still waiting to be presented with the new Constitution.


lifeofadoctorswife said...

Oh my this is so funny! And what a great solution to the uprising.

josefinalouise said...

I am very relieved it ended like it did. I think I would have locked my door that night!

Also, this is why I don't teach my kids history! (kidding.)

Doing My Best said...

josephinalouise: I was VERY TEMPTED. I knew that the whole situation would seem very funny sometime in the future, but I did not feel like laughing that night!